it’s a lie
from the moment i was conceived
i began to die
from the moment i was cast upon my mother’s bosom
i began to breathe the infection
that affects us all.
perhaps you were blissfully unaware
because i was not able to express it or share
but i’ve been crushed beneath
the perverse oppression
before i could even crawl.
i was born but i was never free
i was new but i could never see
i never learned to open my eyes
i wandered about blindly
but knowingly seeking
chains and ropes
and feigned hopes
with which to bind myself to evil.
i was a child
but my naivety was counterfeit
and i ran wild,
splashing in the filth of my mind.
i grew only in my sickness
height and weight, yes,
and my hair thickened
but my heart grew thin
my mind grew weak and carnal
seeking to fill its appetites
i might show a glimmer of sweetness
here and there
but i never really cared
for anything but my stomach
and the one who’d laid the snare.
when i met You i saw the truth
from my youth i’ve been lied to
and i lied to myself.
i’ve since looked in the mirror and thought
"my youthful innocence is long forgotten"
but it was never there.
with every prayer my eyes are opened
more and more
i see the truth i never saw before:
i’ve been a slave
soaked richly in sickness
since the dawn of time.
they sing that you were born this way
as if it’s a banner you ought to wave proudly
as if when it’s sung loudly enough
it will become okay.
but i’ve begun to see so clearly
that we’re all, every one of us
drawing very nearly to the dust
from which we came
and calling it “God”
because then we can lust and desire
and feed the fire
without the shame.
i am sick
but my disease is in remission
as i submit to the great Physician
and call upon His Name.
i’m wrapped in His arms and His protection
i cherish His correction
because my bones are broken,
my purity’s lost, and He has spoken
He’s commanded that I change
and be healed
and He has sealed me,
when He died and overcame.